Wrap the blanket up tighter, I’m still breathing. Push the pillow closer to my face; my muffled cries are still filling the air. Turn off all the lights- the shadows will keep me company. No one exists right now in my world but me. The dark is crawling up my feet, slipping close against my skin, close against my heart. Feel the sweet hurt pushing through my chest. No, make it go away. Pull the covers up higher, I still exist, I’m still here. What will it take for me to disappear?
The needles prick my fingertips, still offering no comfort. Gray, black, dark, cold- wash my skin. The tears come and go streaking down my face. They are always deep inside. They’re free to choke me. Trap then, conceal them deep within. The walls absorb the light drinking in and giving off the shady dark. My voice is torn. My cries creep through. The room is laughing, suffocating my spirit with my own dismay. Softly rocking, gulping down the hurt. Reality slices me over and over. Quiet, just my cries. Alone, the shadows hold me tight. My sight is altered. My will ill formed. Pathetic. Weak. My own skin makes me sick. A voice, I need a voice for the silence to break. Chains lock me tight, burning my heart. Just take my breath. Sleep is far. Nightmares real.
The voice is found, calls quietly. It stains my heart, cuts my flesh. Crashing, crashing. Insane, everything tumbles. Shatter. Fall. Lost. Crawling patiently. Light, light. Hope is deep within the sickness. Beauty nailed behind a mask of desolate shame. Claw, scratch, escape. Fight the shadows. Blinking back tears I open the door to let the light blind me.